The Bad Things
by HiSpeedCarrot
Summary: Random adventures with OCs
1. Chapter 1

My friends, enemies, frenemies, enemies who are pretending or wanting to be friends, or vice versa, I now encourage you to throw whatever device that you are using to read this story off of a particularly high cliff, unless of course, that device is not yours, and go enjoy a nice, warm, chocolate chip cookie.

I urge you to do this thing because if you haven't got the stomach for a story about a few friends,who I will introduce to you in the next chapter, who are captured by a man named Stick, who does many treacherous things and is a horrible cook and is also wanted for crimes in 18 different states and 3 countries, particularly in Asia,and will probably kidnap some cats just to utterly destroy the boredom that will possess him for at least 3 chapters, you should do these things.

Sincerely,

HiSpeedCarrot


	2. Chapter 2: Beef gravy

These are the people that I promised to introduce to you in this chapter...

\- Jon

\- Me (Mikey)

\- A Mysterious Shadow

-Zayne

..And of course, the cats!

\- BlueStar

\- CloudStar

\- BrambleStar

\- Brokenstar

\- Pippen (my cat)

\- Lucy

\- Inkblot

\- Cloud

\- Butterball (also my cat)

\- Rosy Jr.

* * *

_Slurp. Sluuuuurp. _Jon was apparently sipping something, Pippen realized as he sauntered into the kitchen, hoping for his afternoon bowl of his cat food, which would probably have something to do with salmon. He and the rest of his litter had just been moved to the back of the laundry room, beside the washing machine, where it happened to be more comfortable to sleep. Pippen nearly jumped out of his fur at the startling voice of Jon, who had called Pippen's name. "Pippen!", Jon called again impatiently. Pippen stared up at the towering figure of Jon and answered calmly, "what?". Jon screamed, sending himself at least 2 feet into the air and landed with a loud _crash!_, immediately breaking the chair he was sitting on, which toppled over, and made another loud _crash!_. Unfortunately, Jon was on top of the chair when this happened, and he landed on the floor with a jarring _thud__!. _Mikey walked into the kitchen, where he discovered that apparently when you apply superglue to a broken chair leg, and somebody is sent 2 feet into the air, and lands on a wooden chair, superglue will not hold it together. He crossed out the word **superglue** on his list, which was titled: **LIST OF THINGS TO APPLY TO JON'S CHAIR WHEN HE BREAKS IT BY DISCOVERING THAT ANOTHER ONE OF OUR CATS CAN TALK**. This is what the list really looked like...

**LIST OF THINGS TO APPLY TO JON'S CHAIR WHEN HE BREAKS**

**IT BY**** DISCOVERING THAT ANOTHER ONE OF OUR CATS CAN TALK**

**CHOCOLATE SAUCE**

**TOOTHPASTE**

**MUSTARD**

**KETCHUP**

**RANDOM AWKWARD STICKY BLUE GLOP**

**DISH SOAP**

**MUD**

**SPIT**

**MARSHMALLOWS**

**GLUE**

**HOT GLUE**

**SUPERGLUE**

**WET DOG FOOD**

**GRAVY**

Mikey walked into the kitchen and crossed out the word **SUPERGLUE**. The last two probably would not work either. Pippen decided that, just for fun, he would make Mikey scream, too. "Hello, human," he said. Mikey looked down his nose at him like Pippen was an idiot.

Author's Note: In no occasion would I think of a cat as an idiot, For the simple reason that** [REST OF NOTE DELETED FOR SPOILER ALERTS]**

Of course, Pippen knew that Mikey would never think of him as an idiot, he just had that complicated yet simple look on his face that said, _seriously?_. Pippen proceeded outside through the doggy door, even though Mikey's parents, brother, and sisters had taken the three dogs with them on a trip to California. Pippen didn't understand why they still had a doggy door even though the dogs were gone. Actually, there were a lot of things he didn't understand, such as what salmon was made of, the digestive system, and why Mikey's lavender body wash didn't taste like lavender. He stepped inside the tool shed, which looked like a dog house from the outside, but on the inside, was as big as the white house, and for some reason smelled like vinegar. On the left side there were cleaning supplies, including:

Lysol

Bleach

Paper towels

Beef gravy (?)

A mop

A Broom

And wash cloths

Pippen had no idea why the beef gravy was there, or exactly what other things were in it besides beef and gravy (not that he wanted to know), or why- "VDFGTJHFDNRGGGGGGJJJJHH!" "What in carnation..." The voices were slightly muffled, as if the owners of the voices were covering their mouths. It sounded like Matt's voice that had yelled 'VDFGTJHFDNRGGGGGGJJJJHH!', and was that...? Zayne suddenly stepped out of the bucket of beef gravy(?), startling Pippen nearly out of his fur. "ZAYNE!", called Matt, "WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN A BUCKET OF BEEF GRAVY!?," demanded Matt. "what are_ you_ doing here, Matt?," Pippen demanded. "WHY IS THE CAT TALKING!?," Matt said. "WHY ARE _YOU _ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS!?", SAID PIPPEN.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Mal, stay off my computer! and stop using caps lock so much!

Zayne's note: I think that making an epic entrance through my new and improved beef gravy teleporter is pretty cool. You guys are just like 'whluu, whluu, whluu, its just a random bucket of beef gravy,' and then when I step out, you're all 'WHAT!?' It's really very undignified.

Zayne rushed out of the... Actually I don't know what to call it so I'll just call it a place. Anyway, Z rushed out of the place, probably so he could go to the lab, and make a beef gravy teleporter 3.0. Pippen decided he would give the "new and improved beef gravy teleporter" a try. He put a paw into the bucket and was sent sprawling into the right wall.

Author's note: the last part was probably Z's fault.

Pippen felt awkwardly light, and for some reason felt like he was suffocating, yet still breathing perfectly fine. And that was when he started to fall through the earth's surface and lost consciousness.


	3. Blue cheese, White fur, and Green hair

Pippen awoke to find himself looking straight at himself, who was looking straight at him. The other Pippen told him some thing that went like this.

"Mikey's gonna be so mad..."

"And when Mikey's mad..."

"You know what happens..."

"BAD THINGS HAPPEN."

They repeated the last line in perfect unison. Then Mal appeared, with a steaming 5 gallon bucket of melted cheese in one hand, and a gun in the other. A gigantic back pack was slung over her right shoulder, by the left strap. He looked at the other Pippen, who wasn't even there anymore. Mal gave a small whistle, which was surprising, because she couldn't even whistle. A giant Unicorn-drawn suitcase made entirely out of melted gurneys sped towards them, screeching to a halt barely an inch in front of Pippen's nose. He could see his reflection in the suitcase, and realized that something about him wasn't right. His fur, instead of being orange, was white. Before he fainted his last thought was, _Mal better not spill that cheese on my fur. _It was blue cheese.

* * *

Pippen woke up (again) in the giant Unicorn-drawn suitcase made entirely out of melted gurneys, the sound of unicorn hooves clip-clopping on stone filling his ears. Nope, He wasn't back home yet, but when he was, he hoped that a bowl of food was waiting for him. His fur was still white, and when he looked behind him, he saw Mrs. Mom sitting behind Mal.

Author's note: " Mrs. Mom" is Mikey's mom.

Mal was eating cheese from the bucket. She pulled out a bucket, and hurled its contents (which JUST HAPPENED to be beef gravy) onto the ground in front of the unicorns, who walked into the puddle, their hooves and shins literally disappearing in front of Pippen. He was 57% sure that the beef gravy was from Zayne's teleporter. As the gurney was pulled into the puddle of gravy, he realized that Mrs. Mom's hair was green.


	4. BOOBOO JOE, the weirdo

It was beautiful outside, the sun was shining, the sky was blue, the world still existed, and... that meant that the mysterious shadow still wanted to sell the world to BOOBOO JOE, the little purple-haired weirdo who was always making people weirdedthethedeadnightnightsoutof, and always wanting that which we call ice creams, but which BOOBOO JOE, the little purple-haired weirdo who was always making people weirdedthethedeadnightnightsoutof calls, NICCEEEE. And BOOBOO JOE, the little purple-haired weirdo who was always making people weirdedthethedeadnightnightsoutof, is always getting what we call what he wants, which is always BAD, but what little BOOBOO JOE, the little purple-haired weirdo who was always making people weirdedthelivingdaylightsoutof, calls YESSSS. And of course BOOBOO JOE, the little purple-haired weirdo who was always making people weirdedthethedeadnightnightsoutof has other languages, which of course we call what you should never speak, but little purple-haired weirdos, who are always making people weirdedthethedeadnightnightsoutof calls WORDS OF WHICH WE SPEEK. Now the little BOOBOO JOE, for that is what we will call him, but he has another name, of course which you must _never_ speak, was walking down the street which we call Main street, but little BOOBOO JOE, the little purple-haired weirdo who was always making people weirdedthethedeadnightnightsoutof, THA STREAT OF NIAM (for niam is main backwards) and he was wanting the ice creams, and he saw A ROBIN BASKING'S, which we call Baskin Robin's, the ice cream shop. And of course when BOOBOO JOE, the little purple-haired weirdo who was always making people weirdedthethedeadnightnightsoutof ate the ice cream which little call, NICCEEE, everybody died. And that is why you must never give BOOBOO JOE, the little purple-haired weirdo who was always making people weirdedthethedeadnightnightsoutof ice creams. An this is what we call the end of the story, but which BOOBOO JOE calls, EHT DNE (for eht dne is the end backwards).


	5. Chapter 5: Grilled-cheese

Ugh. Jon was cooking that horrible "grilled cheese" meal, as the humans called it. Pippen absolutely hated it, and its repulsive smell. A low rumbling could be heard in the distance, meaning that either there was a helicopter, or that Pippen was really hungry. "The grilled cheese is done!" Pippen heard Jon say. Lovely. Pippen would probably just skip the whole meal all together and eat out of the cat food bag when Jon wasn't looking. He took a shortcut to the laundry room where he found his mother quietly nursing the rest of his litter. Pippen was a kitten, yes, but he had started walking at three days old and had already learned to communicate with the humans. And of course, there were the obvious safety precautions his mother made him take like, 'no going out of the laundry room without me knowing, ' or, 'no eating any mysterious random cheese that happens to be lying around, or walking into suspicious carrot-shaped buckets of gravy,' and things like that. So in case you were wondering, no, he took none of those precautions. Pippen heard Jon call his name again, and sauntered into the kitchen, where the unidentified tiny chickens were at it again, brewing another pot of coffee. He could hear Jon repeatedly yelling "back! Back I say, you porous acidic urchin!" (Thanx again for another phrase, sis!) So Pippen knew that there were at least three possible outcomes: either one, the chickens would pour the coffee on the giant evil orange and Jon would yell at them so much for getting coffee on the floor (he had just finished cleaning them) that he would stress-eat all sixteen grilled-cheese sandwiches; two, the orange would knock out Jon and the chickens and steal the grilled-cheese, or three; no one would win and they would all be 94% dumber by morning. Pippen hoped the third outcome would occur just to see how it would turn out.

* * *

After the meal was over (the second outcome had occurred, they had ramen instead), Pippen went to the shed to see what was happening. Upon entering the shed, he found the Orange sitting with Zayne and Matt, all of them munching on the grilled-cheese sandwiches, sitting on the television and watching the couch. They had all definitely had way too much caffeine bread the previous night. Pippen remembered when Kevin had made that up. Pippen heard The rumbling sound again, which this time he knew was a helicopter. And he also knew that something or someone in it, was looking for him.


End file.
